and so i died

and so I died!

in morning dawn,

in the provoking pain,

  in an echoing goodbye! 

  i felt the falling tear drops

breaking my heart

from well below my feet;

go Hide and I’ll seek

go hide and I’ll seek!

the happiness Is hungover;

the goodbye,

unforeseen

was hung upon the doorknob waiting!

 the full moon gave way

in the provoking pain

of an echoing goodbye;

i quickly awoke as the tear drops

dripped memories;

pooled below my feet

I died

in a morning dawn;

the Provoking pain

in an echoing goodbye

i felt the falling tear drops

breaking my heart

from well below my feet

go hide and I’ll seek

go hide and I’ll seek

c. 2018 bgw

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the needle

from the greyish bedroom window

oh, what i saw!

upon the cold, white winter’s chill;

from behind the curtains draw,

was a cold ghostly stare peeking, looking down;

behind the pictures of thought

there,  lurking behind an old graveyard stone

from within eyes that shine bright

like a needle injection,

pain draws in familiarity

in any given darkness

in the bare winter tree groves

the wind cuts, whispers and speaks

between the naked branches

from the greyish bedroom window

oh, what i saw

upon the cold, white winter’s chill;

from behind the curtains draw,

from the behind the chilled dawning glass

the breath reflects and fogs.

to mine i have none!

the long needle slowly injects the pain

even before the brewing of coffee!

the morning broke open,

shining in its greyish winter’s glory

from the greyish bedroom window

oh, what i saw!

upon the cold, white winter’s chill…

c. 2018 bgw

tangoed and tangled

as i woke in the morning sands,

i watched my dreams come and go.

like the powerful crashing symphonic waves washing ashore

thoughts of her come and go.

tangoed and tangled

i’ve watched her come and go

at no one’s fault but my own!

her face appears between the wishing and wanting,

woven between these memories i keep

i stand here with my thoughts

reflected in revisiting dream –

i stand in the morning sands

as my hollowed soul starts to fill

with the dawning sun gazing!

looking out afar,

i stare past the distant awaiting horizon

as the deep salted breeze

whispered past my thoughts.

here i stand the waves symphonic song

as the moonlight brightly seeks

as desire peeks;

breaks me down and carries me away.

as i woke in the morning sands,

i watched my dreams come and go.

 

 

c.2017 bgw

 

writer’s block

i’m not going to sugar coat it.

to tell you that it’s just a case of writers block

would be the farthest from the truth.

the ideas of new overflow in my head;

the ability to write has seemed to have temporary disappeared

something’s missing when she isn’t here with me.

like hurdling a wall that can’s even be climbed,

the frustration mounts as the ideas get blocked by distractions.

the audience awaits for another desired rhyme,

but the stage sits empty.

just is the momentary season of without

and a life without is just that -just.

i sit with my pen and paper,

and all i do is just stare at a blank piece of imagination.

looking for that moment of breakthrough that brings another fulfilling story.

letters drawn up to form words,

but the words have nowhere to go,

and draw up the incompletion instead.

mumble jumble nonsense goes nowhere

and the thought of the stories once written mislead.

i’ve sat in this chair night after night,

trying my best to complete just a paragraph or two,

and i can’t even do that.

//

her memory makes me smile

her memory makes me desire.

her eyes, her smile

and the way her hand fits in mine.

i can still feel her under the flannel sheets

as the fire crackles through the wine glass clinks

we drank a toast to the past, and we drank a toast to the future

i can still feel her under the flannel sheets.

the laughs always came in conversation

and the tears always would fall when talk about the parting.

two hours behind and yet what seems like 10,000 miles in between.

her memory makes me smile

her memory makes me desire.

her eyes, her smile

and the way her hand fits in mine.

i can still feel her under theses flannel sheets.

//

in winter’s cold and snowy landscape,

there sat my cabin.

outside;

blanketed by the over night snow.

and did you know, inside,

it’s warm and woodsy,

the fire roars and heats the frozen thoughts i pen out .

a passionate kiss;

the moment when her lips touches mine

the way we hold each other when we sleep;

now a loving memory and a desired hope to be again.

but i’m not going to sugar coat it.

to tell you that it’s just a case of writers block

would be the farthest from the truth.

the ideas of new overflow in my head;

the ability to write has seemed to have temporary disappeared

something’s missing when she isn’t here with me.

like hurdling a wall that can’s even be climbed,

the frustration mounts as the ideas get blocked by distractions.

the audience awaits for another desired rhyme,

but the stage sits empty.

just is the momentary season of without

c 2017 bgw

though these woods

through these woods i walk;

distractions disappear

and thoughts quickly fly around

as i catch them in a sighed squawk.

//

through these, autumn colours fall

i have committed these trespasses

and put myself on this stake

and under the fire of regret, i will burn

//

the faces in the window

are the ones that are recognized in remembering what once was;

but know i can not continue

seeking for what i had; who’s to say we were fair?

//

through these woods i walk;

woods of thick brush and mighty trees; here stands my life.

autumn colours and thick evergreen fur

i stand in the woods i created; lost and sorry

//

through these woods i walk;

distractions disappear

and thoughts quickly fly around

as i catch them in a sighed squawk

//

a future will be haunted everyday

from what was a beautiful yesterday;

for yesterday had you there

and regrets that i hold, i can not carry

//

the snow began to fall quietly as i headed back to the cabin.

and there, i brushed off the chill and sat by the fire.

for yesterday had you there

regrets that i hold, i can not carry and i am sorry.

//

through these woods i walk;

distractions disappear

and thoughts quickly fly around

as i catch them in a sighed squawk

c. 2017 bgw

canvas

i have seen you

in charcoal pencil

and pastel oils

upon canvas i have dreamt;

eyes of shimmering light

hair of softening silk

i have painted you;

in dreams i have seen

choral thoughts

melodic song

poetic pain

in dreams i have seen;

i have seen you

in charcoal pencil

and pastel oils

upon canvas i have dreamt;

eyes of shimmering light

hair of softening silk

i have painted you;

in dreams i have seen

i have painted you

 

c 2017  bgw

 

i took a walk

i took a walk;

before the early autumn sun faded behind

in some sort of misty fog,

through these woods i walk;

distractions disappear

and thoughts are like moss,

catching them in a sighed squawk.

i took a walk.

the early morning in late October,

distractions were clear,

and yet seemed unforeseen.

nothing i could say to anybody

could never really explain my emotion or thought.

i felt trapped in a world that was dealt;

and as i walk,

with each step counted

with each autumn leaf fallen on the cold cobblestone path

the thought of you flashed between this and that,

what was and what could have been.

each step got me further away

and yet tightened the chain of the memories pain.

you are a summer’s sun;

in some deep forest winter scene;

on a carousel here i am.

the world that spins in a jar

full of Polaroids and untaken memories

here i walk through big lots of vast open prairie

swallowed by the big North Dakota sky.

in an early Saturday morning mist

i buttoned up my coat,

and took a deep breath.

the cold air surround my thoughts

as i mourned for yesterday’s death.

hope was a child we conceived together

but died in our arms from a form of carelessness.

oh, i took a walk;

because the pain became

before the early autumn sun

fading behind

in some sort of misty fog,

i took a walk to settle everything that wasn’t familiar.

i fought between the pain and freedom,

i fought between going back and just running away.

going back is and never will be an option,

but now, i am living without you and i must move on.

tomorrow always starts a brand new – no matter what.

so i must carry on!

today!,

i took a walk;

before the early autumn sun faded behind

in some sort of misty fog,

i took a walk and found myself again –

just a little bit at a time;

i took a walk

 

c. 2017  bgw

phantasm

perforated days

hid from the high noon

and the midnight moon

jaded and naked through night

the London rain fell in mist

and washed upon the alleyway cobblestones;

footstep by footstep there i walk

between the well lit windows

and the barking dogs fence;

there, memories danced with raindrops

all that was, all that could have been

nevermore

could i ignore.

evergreen peaks

are breathless in a snowfall fog

sitting silent in Decembers song

perforated days

hid from the high noon

and the midnight moon

jaded and naked through night

i close my eyes.

without sleep, i dream;

i close my eyes wide open

in perforated days

hidden from the high noon

and the midnight moon.

jaded and naked through night,

the London rain fell in mist

and washed upon the alleyway cobblestones…

c.2017 bgw

all that slips away (ll)

the moon shone its glow on the coastal waters,

the waves still crashing ashore.

i keep looking around,

thinking that you’d still be there,

but the reality of solitude

brought a chill of loneliness along with the sea’s breeze.

but after each step taken,

sinking in the sands,

i beg for the warming of the sun of yester;

//

knock on the door and there’s nobody home .

but still,  the stars guide the way

the intoxication of the salted air keeps me wanting more.

the peace that the beach brought,

now turned to a sharp sting of question.

the feet that sunk in the sands,

now freeze and feel like they’re in cement.

all that slips away –

the sea, the sand;

the moon and stars drifted all away,

and left me in the dark.

silence screams all around

and the darkness crawls upon my skin.

i cry out! and nothing comes tearing out of my mouth.

tossing and turning,  feeling like i’m suffocating,

i gasp for one last deep breath.

muscles tense and loose, slow to respond.

my mind races out of control.

panic leaps out from my throat and becomes lodged,

death in silence,  my thoughts race and cannot win.

//

i am there.

my eyes squint,

adjusting to the bright light of day.

a riverfront cityscape stands before me,

and something is horribly wrong.

streets that should be busy,

the cars that should be honking,

people who should be about,

were all void!; missing.

the water wasn’t flowing through the fountain,

and yet again,  silence deafen.

standing in the middle of the street,

shocked and all in awe,

i couldn’t believe my eyes.

the tall buildings of brick, steel,  and marble are all now lying in ruins,

crumbled in pieces on the ground.

a thick fog quickly rolled in and covered the recognizable ruins.

shouting for anyone to hear me! all my cry’s falling on complete nothingness,  emptiness.

i run down the street,  jumping over the obstacles of pieces of building,

running, feeling like i,m going in circles,

still i shout out for anyone to hear me;

“CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!!!”

i quickly run down to the river that once saved me in a nine count–

once again i freeze.

my eyes grew large in shock,

as i saw that the river had risen,

and swept away everything that was down on the front.

my heart beats faster as panic sets in.

where was i ?

i turn to run away from the rushing rising waters of the river.

i run faster and faster,

seeming like i was running like molasses,

more panic sets in ; trying like hell to get out of there.

the ground started to shake and the rest of what building walls stood,

now completely fell.

the black and white tiles,

scattered on the streets below,

the fountain statues now fell and broke apart.

the window glass now shattered and rained down on top of me.

still crying out for someone to hear,

my words turn to sheer bear calls.

i quickly try to run through the disaster,

and i run myself through walnut street and turned into our street where we live,  or lived.

i stop in shock and tears come pouring out of my eyes.

the sidewalk where i walked home every night after work,  now lay buckled.

the wooded gate and fence lies on the ground,

and the roof sunk in, windows broke.

i run up the cobblestone walk and rush through the door.

the front parlour  is now crowded with overturned books and furniture.

a mothers desk sat vacant.

i scream out your name,

desperately seeking your face,

silence answered and meet me in the entry.

i run up the torn stairs and rush to open every door,

yelling out for you;

an empty crib with unplayed toys.

“HELLLOOO,  CAN YOU HEAR ME,  IS ANYONE HERE?!!”

out of breath,  i stop out of sheer exhaustion.

the tears keep pouring out,

where was i ?

i lean against a wall and slide down it as i sat on the dirt covered carpeted floor.

my hands cover my face and i uncontrollably scream out  your name.

i reach out for my son,  but he doesn’t come up to me.

an unfamiliar emptiness and loneliness crawls up my skin.

as my hands wipe my face,  slowly the home i once knew,

slipped away and  left me in the dark.

silence falls all around and the darkness now crawls upon my skin.

i cry out, and nothing comes tearing out of my mouth.

tossing and turning,  feeling like i’m suffocating,

i gasp for one last deep breath.

muscles tense and loose,  slow to respond.

my mind races out of control.

panic leaps out from my throat and becomes lodged,

my thoughts race and cannot win.

without all these things in my life,  i am nothing.

//

as soon as the darkness rolls over my eyes and i gasp for one last breath,

reality quickly saves me and my eyes open.

sweat rolling down my face, tears still pouring out of me;

are you next to me,  can i feel the arms that comfort?

the hands that soothe,  or the voice that tells me that everything is ok?

the nightlight in the hall softly glows,

not leaving me in the dark.

from where you were, now faded away

my feet freeze and felt like they’re in cement.

in a blink of an eye,

all that slips away, please,

let me go back to the start,

where we started it all

c. 2013, 2017  BGW

where the memory stings somewhere between you and me

between the thin glass,

candlelight flickers

and monstrous dreams seep between red wine sips.

reminiscing through kept images of a popped up memory,

songs dance with a deep emotion in the present.

the warmth of the Christmas dressed fireplace,

the crackling fire spews and pops sparks;

a memory walked into the neighborhood

and found a cul-de-sac roundabout of a snow covered past.

memories drove around

and made tracks in the snow.

my eyes trace the falling flakes

from the softly gently frosting window viewed.

the Canadian highway ran through my mind

as the heartland’s frost falls heavy on the silo’s hibernation.

guilt and honesty

never knew each other well

but i found myself between the two.

honesty drank until the guilt awoke;

guilt was blind when honesty never showed.

:kisses rose in the sunlight:

and haunted my soul under a polarized moon.

 ice crystals fall

and drips itself over the icicles hanging a distant memory.

somewhere between you and me

self-inflicted pain

took off in an unmanned plane;

somewhere between you and me.

between the thin glass,

candlelight flickers

and monstrous illusions seep between red wine sips.

reminiscing through kept images of a popped up memories

somewhere between you and me

c.2016  bgw