when winter lives in summer

the fireplace crackles

while the snow lightly fell outside the window;

each flake gently settling on the ground,

oh, when winter lives in summer!

what can i say about you?

nothing that i haven’t already said before, but can never say it enough.

the sparkling coloured eyes that looks into my eyes,

always whispering a thousand unspoken words!

a gentle tapping rain hitting the skylight,

quickly fills in the silence of the interrupted sleep.

the reflection of the beating of each others hearts,

exposed the nervousness within.

the candlelight flickers as it shows the smile, the grin;

exposing the beauty that is you.

you are so beautiful.

you are the desire that fills my emotion;

the way she whispers her words, the soft touch of  her hands,

caressing the mind and body.

this  passion filling our voids, needs and desires.

here within my hands,

it is you that i am holding close!

tonight,  here we are.

in some founded deep desire,

the passion

acts on the feelings within;

here i am!

your soft skin, your gentle kiss.

the warmth, the honesty.

here we are like some puzzle piece,

her hand fitting perfect in mine;

a gentle squeeze,  and i feel safe.

her face angelic,  and I’m lost within her eyes again.

endless thoughts and unbounded emotions cover my mind like a thick fog rolling into a cityscape;

she seeped through the cracks of  voidance,

everything i kept to myself,

everything i kept private

and everything behind everything in my life,  she knew all about it.

i wasn’t supposed to let that happen!

and yet she found a way in.

every physical moment apart,  she’s there,  knocking at the thought,

and every moment together is just never long enough!

the passion rises

as the sun sets below the sailing schooner’s deck.

the clink of a wine glass toast;

a dinner for two.

a drop of wax drips down the side of the candle,

flickering flame.

romance is endless like the sea.

her hair flows in the sailing breeze.

her face of electrifying beauty,

draws the desire deeper within my soul.

lost in the stars twilight,

the moonlight shimmer’s across the water’s surface.

she is my island,  my paradise.

she turns a cluster of words that scatter inside my head,

into a  poetic prose that is her; perfectly stated,

but never coming close to her breathtaking beauty.

so, what can i say about her?

nothing that i haven’t already said before but  i can never say it enough.

she makes me feel free.

she is the music to my words,  and i need her.

the fireplace crackles

while the snow lightly fell outside the window;

each flake gently settling on the ground,

oh, when winter lives in summer!

c. 2017  BGW

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you are (more than these words)

sometimes curly, sometimes straight.

light to dark and dark to light.

her hair changes upon season and mood.

eyes shine, glimmer like diamonds.

she’s a springtime song, thawing out the winter’s chill.

her face, smooth and delicate.

her silence says a thousand words; her tone soft and angelic.

her presence, like soft falling snow, graceful and quiet.

the elegance, the beauty, outshines the sun on any given day.

when her smiles make an appearance,

my heart becomes weak, and falls again.

her skin, creamy; glowing.

her heart, caring and giving.

a dedicated humanitarian, her modesty might say otherwise.

a seeker of truth, dwelling within the words.

a wonderful mother, a juggling between life’s acts and little wonders.

a wife that only a man can dream of.

wishful thinking to my reality.

she is a symphony in life.

a rock upon which i can lean on.

a friend no one can be, the best.

you are.

you are more than these words,

more than what my painting can say.

you are the essence of my desire.

oh, my love!, my heart longs when you are away!,

and when you are within these arms, i beg for forever!

c.2013, 2017 BGW

morning paper blues

new york city sits empty

in a crumbled ruin lie.

a civilization escaped from a violation

of the import/export of invasion

*

under a full moon light

the unfortunate timing

of a great lake drought,

now brought a lighthouse to failure.

*

from the train station downtown

the departure of romance

vanished and was never seen again.

but the tears from pain stayed in town.

*

when morning lost her sunrise

time was forever left in obscurity.

*

the blind face in the window

draws the curtain to an evading public.

written in blood on the surface was help,

but all that was read was encumbrance.

yet, found there on the cold tile floor

was the baby cut away,  nevermore.

*

in a world,  where creation was,

now sees only self outlasting solidarity,

charity is now done in flash and facade.

give yourself a hearty pat on the back.

*

a montana sky, open and bright,

now gets drawn in by towering metal devices.

native rocks disappear

with the roam of the buffalo.

*

when morning lost her sunrise

time was forever left in obscurity.

 

when morning lost her sunrise

time was forever left in obscurity.

 

 

c. 2014  bgw

the walk home (poets edition)

 

five p.m.

i’m walking home from a hard days work.

the concrete sidewalks,  i count the blocks, the cracks.

each step quicker than the last, i hurry home.

and as i walk in a hurried pace,  the greyish skies above open up.

one soft drop after another,  quickly follows another.

there,  pulling  the collar from my warm pea coat up around my cooling neck,

then quick  to slide the umbrella open for my shelter in motion.

the lamplight forms a glow as the english mist looms.

sounds of  wet pavement streets grow louder as the cars speed by – also on their way home.

i continue on until i meet home’s wooden gate –

the point where the workday is my past,  behind me i leave it far behind

and greeting the rest of the world that is in front me,  i am.

opening the creaking gate,

i jump over a growing rain puddle,

landing on the mossy covered cobblestone path that leads me to my castle.

i climb the few steps to the porch,

closing my portable shelter,

brushing the wetness off my jacket – meeting the door ahead.

reaching  in my pocket i grab the cold pieces of metal,  picking out the silver skeleton key and slid it into its  own home.

turning  the knob.  pushing the door open –

and there,  my eye first catches  my son playing blocks in the front parlour.

as a big smile comes across his smooth baby face, he gets up and walks shakily over to where i am

standing by holding my pant,  he hugs my leg.

my daughter sitting at her mothers desk,

working ever so diligently on her homework.

without disruption or looking up,  softly says “hey”.

i pick my son up to hug.

i take in a breath and smell the aroma of dinner basking in the surrounding.

drying her hands on her white apron,  she quickly unties it and slips off,  oh my wife.

oh! my wife,

she comes up to me and gives me a loving smile,

kiss me welcome, hug me love.

i set my canvas satchel down, along with my son

and i place the umbrella in the corner,

where the last of the raindrops fall upon the green slated floor below.

in the other corner of the entryway, i hang up my dampened coat on the coat rack .

heading  up stars for my shower,  start untying my tie.

i wash the off the days work,  and scrub off the workdays burden.

my wife knocks at the door and opens it.

and in her soft voice reminds me that i forgot my towel.

i see through the steamed glass as she tries to place the cotton towel on the hook beside the shower door.

i quickly open the glass door and gently grab her elbow,

wet laughter met by a warm embrace of a love that often goes without or forgotten – busy schedules, conflicting times.

quickly and quietly,  the passion brews.

laughing, we both dry off and quickly change into our evening attire of soft flannel pants and a dryer sheet scented t-shirts.

we head down to the dinner table,

i gather the kids as she makes the final preparations to the dinner meal.

we all sit,

all in our proper seating place,

and i smile,  i am.

i smile just watching my wife placing the bib on our youngest.

she catches a glimpse of me watching her, and replies with her beautiful  smile.

we all bow are heads and grace is spoken.

as my daughter speaks of thanksgiving,  i sneak a peek of my family there in the moment.

and in that quick moment,  i saw in slow motion,

a panoramic view of a family.

and in that moment,  i felt it.

simultaneously in my heart, body and mind,  that this is it.

this is what i live for,

this is what every single aspect of my life lives for.

this family, this house, our lives we share together.

working to live,  never living to work.

this is me.  i am.

after dinner, all homework done and the children are all worn out,  we put them to bed.

and we follow suit.

there, we listen to the silence, peaceful and relaxing.

a child-free moment,

soak it in.

i hold her until she falls asleep,

i quietly turn over and turn out the light.

the day has completed,

the crazy circle of  life will start all over again in dawns light

and the walk home awaits for me again.

 

c. 2013, 2014  bgw

when the mind stays awake

 

in the snow covered garden

the winter melts away

slowly the whiteness goes away

sunshine peaks its face and  says hello

and presents the green grass  of  spring

and while my body sleeps,  my mind stays wide awake

 

my body sleeps and yet my mind stays wide awake

 

i dreamt of a warm touch,

a bridge from what was and what was to dream

a  black and white photograph

ah! there we were

soft as a whisper

loud as an echo –

caught under the spring rain

 

where can you find me?

 

all through the summer

in a wheat field solo

only where dreams meet me –

remember a september

walking through the cool alley ways

down to the river’s bed

i held your hand

 

only can i see

in a town that is

only to a place that is,

only from my window paine

can i see what ive left behind,

and yet everything  i found

the time of what is and was us,

left me blind

 

the eyes that are blind

fire arises and seeks its worth

your liking now only rebirths

the sunlight,  turns to  lamplight

and any found comments get declined

but my eyes are still on you and your game

 

if i still love you

what can i do?

all the things in the past

didn’t last,  oh!

incoherent words and phrases confuse

and as i  turn the heads

but stand strong through the poetic rhyme

 

if my image was to be taken away

i’d still be –

if i was all but  to drain away –

today

everything will still move on

time will still tick,  and the colours will stay the same

and yet everything  of mine  will stay in a field day

 

in the snow-covered garden

the winter will go away

and the sunshine quickly comes says its hello

and presents the green grass  of  spring

all while my body sleeps,  my mind stays wide awake

 

somewhere  i can find you

through this cityscape window

a paradise that awaits

where i found you

that’s also where i lost you

in between the tall buildings and the busy business avenues

that’s where i last saw you

and gave your last kiss

 

words are just words

sliding in some thought inside my world

the right will find the left

and stumble on the tomorrow,  oh !

i’ll move forward,  if i see you again

you’ll see my smile cover the spaces

all in the missing places

 

in the snow covered garden

the winter melts away

slowly the whiteness goes away

sunshine peaks its face and  says hello

and presents the green grass  of spring

my body sleeps and yet my mind stays wide awake

 

my body sleeps and yet my mind stays wide awake

 

 

c.2014  bgw

fool’s paradise

 

jet plane

crawls across the bright blue sky

jet plane

leaving a faint white line behind

we know where you’ve been.

leaving a faint white line behind

it all disappears as you glide  on by

gone,

gone,

gone

 

sunrise

slowly peaks its light into sky’s darkness

sunrise

shine down the warmth on my face.

dancing with clouds high above

shine down the warmth on my face

sunrise till the noonday –   the sunset takes you home

move on,

move on,

moved on,

 

paradise

always thinking it was on an island

paradise

in the garden that was only my mind

made me blind,  i left myself behind –

in the garden that was only my mind

the only paradise i gave blind to and left behind

 

oh!,  jet plane you are gone,

into the sunrise of some other paradise,

and here’s to tomorrow  –  we all must move on –  moving on,

move on

 

 

c.  2014   bgw

to a new season

. . .  there are so many things i can say, so many things that i want to write.   and reading this may be a little confusing  at first.  but as you re-read it a couple of times, it may make more sense.  there are a couple of ideas i wanted to dive into,  but instead i just let a flow of my thoughts be what it was,  sentence by sentence,  as i wrote them down.   but as i sit at my desk shuffling the sentences and words,  editing, wishing that i had my spell checker,   the early morning  hours that passed by,  greeted the heavy tiredness as it slowly shut my eyelids.  i quickly open them as the aroma of coffee drifts past me.  and there,  in a cup i pour and the steam quickly disappears into the air.   looking up around in my office,   the sunshine shone through the drawn curtain,   dimly illuminating the room,  giving it  a golden glow.   and there i am,  sitting and staring  at a blank page,  doodles on the page were supposed to be the words i wanted to write.  but this writer’s block presented to be something greater,  she is a wonderful distraction.   but that was a while back,  and my mind swims through this persuasion of  numbness,   slowly  drowning in the sea of emptiness.  seeking and searching to fill a void that is as deep as a canyon.   an early morning haze,  driving through this early morning traffic maze.  stop and go and the silence fills the air;   thinking i should have stayed in my dream like daze.   endless thoughts and emotions cover my mind like a thick fog rolling into a cityscape;    she seeped through the cracks of voidance,  everything i kept to myself,  the book that was my life,  tightly shut and put away,  she found it,  and read me well,  she was the only one who knew who i was.   i wasn’t supposed to let that happen,  and now i’m left with the never-ending question of what happened and why.   //   and now, a new season is before me.   just a passing memory comes and go,  like an ember refusing to die.    concrete pillars cast shadows down in between the beams of sunlight radiating the mid afternoon’s heat.   a new season.  standing before me was a challenge –  staring me straight in my eyes.   and i’m looking it down,  ready to take it on.   and as i leave work, i remember that i am no longer in that city,  but i’m in this city.   a new environment,  new surroundings.  i’m blinded,  but by familiar surroundings.   my walk home from work,   the memories that followed me here,  plays peek a boo with my head.    i must move on.  she holds the colour in my world,  but  i must push forward.  this new season that is before me,  the fall leafs are falling through the winter,  and straight into spring,   new leafs.  the sunshine shone through the drawn curtain,   dimly illuminating the room,  giving it  a golden glow.   and there i am,  sitting and staring  at a blank page,  doodles on the page were supposed to be the words i wanted to write.   but this writer’s block presented to be something greater,  she is a wonderful distraction.  a new season,  blindly looking across the way,  what will i find?   will the paths cross again,  lost at sea.  and the doodles on the page were supposed to be the words i wanted to write.   but this writer’s block presented to be something greater.  . . .

c 2013 BGW

all that slips away

53

. . . . . . darkness quickly covered the  days sky.   the moon shone its glow on the coastal waters,  and the waves still crashed ashore.   i keep looking around,  thinking that you’d still be there,  but the reality of solitude brought a chill of loneliness along with the sea’s breeze.  but after each step taken,  sinking in the sands,   i beg for the warming of the sun of yester;   knock on the door and there’s nobody home .   but still,  the stars guide the way and the intoxication of the salted air keeps me wanting more.  the peace that the beach brought,  now turned to a sharp sting of question.    the feet that sunk in the sands,  now freeze and feel like they’re in cement.  all that slips away –   the sea, the sand;   the moon and stars drifted all away,  and left me in the dark.   silence all around and the  darkness crawls upon my skin.  i cry out,  and nothing comes tearing out of my mouth.   tossing and turning,  feeling like im suffocating,  i gasp for one last deep breath.   muscles tense and loose,  slow to respond.  my mind races out of control.  panic leaps out from my throat and becomes lodged,  death in silence,  my thoughts race and cannot win. //   i am there.   my eyes squint,  adjusting to the bright light of day.   a riverfront cityscape stands before me,  and something is horribly wrong.  streets that should be busy,  the cars that are honking,   people who should be about,  were all void,  missing.   the water wasnt flowing through the fountain,  and yet again,  silence deafens.  standing in the middle of the street,  shocked and all in awe,  i couldn’t believe my eyes.   the tall buildings of brick,  steel,  and marble are all now lying in ruins,  crumbled in pieces on the ground.    a thick fog quickly rolled in and covered the recognizable ruins.   shouting for anyone to hear me,  all my cry’s falling on complete nothingness,  emptiness.   i run down the street,  jumping over the obstacles of pieces of building, running,  feeling like im going in circles,  still i shout out for anyone to hear me.  “CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!!!”     i quickly run down to the river that once saved me in a nine count  –  once again i freeze.   my eyes grew large in shock,  as i saw that the river had risen,  and swept away everything that was down on the front.  my heart beats faster as panic sets in.  where was i ?  i turn to run away from the rushing rising waters of the river.   i run faster and faster,  seeming like i was running like molasses,  more panic sets in.   trying like hell to get out of there,   the ground started to shake and the rest of what building walls stood,  now completely fell.  the black and white tiles,  scattered on the streets below,  the fountain statues now fell and broke apart.  the window glass now shattered and rained down on top of me.  still crying out for someone to hear,  my words turn to sheer bear calls.  i quickly try to run down through the disaster,  and i run myself through and now walnut street turned into our street where we live,  or lived.   i stop in shock and tears come pouring out of my eyes.    the sidewalk where i walked home  every night after work,  now lay buckled.  the wooded gate and fence lies on the ground,  and the roof sunk in,  windows broke.   i run up the cobblestone walk and rush through the door.   the front parlour  is now crowded with overturned books and furniture.  the mothers desk sat vacant.  i scream out your name,  desperately seeking your face,  silence answered and meet me in the entry.  i run up the torn stairs and rush to open every door,  yelling out for you;  an empty crib with unplayed toys.  “HELLLOOO,  CAN YOU HEAR ME,  IS ANYONE HERE?!!”  out of breath,  i stop out of sheer exhaustion.  the tears keep pouring out,  where was i ?  i lean against a wall and slide down it as i sat on the dirt covered carpeted floor.   my hands cover my face and i uncontrollably scream out  your name.  i reach out for my son,  but he doesn’t come up to me.  an unfamiliar emptiness,  and loneliness crawls up my skin.   and as my hands wipe my face,  slowly the home i once knew,  slipped away and  left me in the dark.   silence falls all around and the  darkness now crawls upon my skin.  i cry out,  and nothing comes tearing out of my mouth.   tossing and turning,  feeling like im suffocating,  i gasp for one last deep breath.  muscles tense and loose,  slow to respond.  my mind races out of control.  panic leaps out from my throat and becomes lodged,  death in silence,  my thoughts race and cannot win.  without all these things in my life,  i am nothing.   //   and as soon as the darkness rolls over my eyes and i gasp for one last breath,  reality quickly saves me and my eyes open.  sweat rolling down my face,  tears still pouring out of me,  are you next to me,  can i feel the arms that comfort?   the hands that soothe,  or the voice that tells me that everything is ok?   i pull the sheets off ad run down the hall,  and see if that crib is being occupied by my sleeping angel,  he is my life.  the nightlight in the hall softly glows,  not leaving me in the dark.  i turn the corner into the baby’s room.  my feet freeze and feel like they’re in cement.  in a blink of an eye,   all that slips away, please,   let me go back to the start,  where we started it all. . . . . . . .

c. 2013  BGW

the surprise in mind

. . . .i thought about her,  for about the millionth time today.  but the drive home from work just does that to me.   it gave me time to wind down from work,  and,  of course,  think of her.  she had been called out of town on business,   and had been away for a week and half.   i always counted the days when she was gone,  and counted the days when she’d be back.   it just became a habit.   but the thought of her could always cool me down,  after a hard day at  work.  frustration wiped away by the thought of her smile,  her kiss that would await for me at the door,  or by the loving reenforcement a man needs after being chewed out by a boss.   but i knew that i wasnt going to get greeted by any of  that today,  and the thought of her was just o.k.,  and seven days from now,  i knew it would be even better.   and somehow,  a smile crept onto my face.   like a horse pill that’s hard to swallow,   i just take these  lonely days one by one.   i came to the long gravel drive that leads to our farm town home.  in the summer,  surrounded by tall corn stalks,  and in the winter,  surrounded by the howling winds.   but with it being only june,  the  corn had only grown to about ankle height,  and that’s  largely due to the fact that spring brought a lot of rain, had flooded the fields.  slowing my pace,  and turning onto the drive,  i drive up towards our castle,  and park in the turn about,  right by the door.   i got out and grabbed my briefcase,  and walked back down to the drive to the mailbox,  to retrieve what the postman had brought.   bills,  coupons and more junk to throw away.   i don’t mind the walk.  not today.  the sun felt warm and welcoming.   a slight breeze comes and goes,  and the thought of her hair gently blowing in her face when she pulls it back behind her ears,   fills in the gaps of hurried silence.   i come to the mailbox and open its little door and i grab what is inside.   walking back up towards  the castle in the field,  i hold the mail in the one hand, and carry my briefcase in the other.   i walk up the two concrete steps that lead me the back door,  laundry room door,  and i turn the key and the door hinges squeak as i open it.   taking off my shoes  and setting my briefcase  down,  out of habit,  i turn to look for her.  and silence welcomes me instead.   i walk to the kitchen and throw the mail on the nooks table and i open the refrigerator.   the coolness hits me as i reach in and grab a cooled drink.  i turn back to the table and pull back a chair and relax for a minute.  taking a sip,  i grab the mail and look through it.  ads,  coupons and bills.  but in the back of the stack,  was something different.   a postcard.  a cityscape was its cover and i flipped it over.   it was from her.  and the hugest smile that anyone could have seen came across my face.  reading what she wrote was short and to the point. ” MISSING  YOU!!  WISHING YOU WERE  HERE!”   signed by a couple x’s and o’s and a heart.   there i sat,  just looking at that postcard’s picture.  seven days till her arrival back home.  not soon enough.   getting up my chair,  i try to find some dinner.  finding something along the way,  i sit in my recliner and turn on the t.v.  and watch something mindless , but i quickly turn it off.   again,  the silence cuts through the surrounding loneliness,  and i try to distract the mind that wonders and  i quickly turn to head for bed.    a hot shower,  a clean shave,   and a good book to fall asleep to.   tossing and turning,  never getting a great nights sleep while the emptiness wraps its cold arms around  me;   where is she tonight?   is she missing me as much as i miss her?    i need to hear her voice,   hold her in my arms and  whisper in her ear,  i need her.   //   quickly i rush to my feet,  pulling on some jeans and my teams jersey,   throwing on some sox and shoes,  i run to the truck.  down the highway i speed down.  the early morning hours pass,  and the corn fields grow to small town commercials created by highway exits.  they come and go  as i try to figure out what i was doing.    the tires roll on like the wheels in my head,   trying to map out a plan.   she was on business,  and this was just my day off.    so it wasn’t like i could really sweep her off her feet and take her away on a vacation.   the mile markers got closer to the queen city,   and fortunately i knew the roads as if  it was my own home town.    but it was only ten in the morning  and i had some time to kill and plan everything out.   //   downtown.   somewhere,  there she is.   tall buildings  cast their shadows down below, on the  people  as they walk by,  coming  and going,  hurrying to their power point presentations.  car horns and ambulance sirens fill the gap between my footsteps.   lunchtime deli,  passing the time,  riverside museum.   could you find me?    i can feel her love come closer.    quickly five p.m. comes around,  and i mix in with the co-workers rush.   one block,   two blocks and the door man opens the door.   hotel lobby,   fine carpets and lined with gold trim.   a far cry from the country pigs and dirt roads.   hotel bar,   hotel pool and the crystal chandelier.    gift shoppe and six elevators,  all  are there,  to lead me to you again.   second floor,  fifth floor,   all the way up to the seventeenth floor,   there i take a deep breath,   and question that maybe she’s too busy,   or even busy in another meeting.   over thinking it,   i quietly laugh at myself.    seventeen-o-nine,  seventeen ten,   seventeen eleven.   is she there?    i face the door,  and like a first date,  my heart beats what seems like out of my chest.  i knock softly and wait.  a faint sound of footsteps approach the door,   and the unlocking of the door preceded by the turning of the handle;   and the door cracks open.   //    i hide my face with the bunch of red roses i bought from the hotel florist,   and i hold my breath.   out from between a thorned branch and a bloom of red petal,   i see her head peer around the opening of  the door,  followed by shriek of surprise;   the door quickly swings open.  she rushes at me like a defensive end to the quarterback,  and im lucky to save the flowers from a  sad ending of being smashed.   her arms rush around me in the hotel hallway,  and we are here.      and as she rushed me for negative yardage,   im in her hotel room.   she stood there in amazement and i hand her  her flowers.    here we are.   standing in this hotel room.   i slowly walk up to her,   reach for her hand and i kiss her ever so gently on the lips.   the kiss was greeted silently with her hand caressing my chest.   slowly she backs away,   and tells me that she’ll be right back.   she retreats to the bathroom,   and i turn and quickly take off my number fourteen jersey and   head to look out the window.   a sunny evening in the city,   and the ants below rush home.    the bathroom door opens, and she utters “honey’.    i turn only to find her in one of my button down business shirts she “stole” and that’s it.   and she’s in some sort of Marilyn Monroe pose against the wall.    quickly i drop the drape from my hand,  and again,   i slowly walk up towards her.   i reach for her hand,   and passionately kiss her,   lovingly.  her hands caressing my chest and back,  slowly unbuckling.   my hands,   gently holding her neck,   to her shoulders,  and button by button,   the shirt falls to the ground,  around her ankles.    deep kissing leads us to the bed,   and i swipe everything off the bed.  laptop,  papers and everything that really doesn’t matter.    there,   wrestling within the sheets,   hands,  sweat, and passionate love stands strong throughout.   what are we going to do?    here we are,   within the arms of our love,   surprise!   we sit there in the afterglow,  and you quickly finish the e-mail and shut the business side of your personality down,   and there we are,   with the evening that awaits us.    is it Nicholson’s or room service that awaits?   we don’t dare leave this room.   no t.v.   no outside interruptions.   here we are,   if only for the one night.    wishing you were here,   please don’t leave.   this magic moment we are in,  what have we found?  the knowing that in the mornings dawn,    i must go,   and another six days wont be so bad.   please don’t go away again,    because i don’t think i can  take it,    i need you tonight,   and tonight is just tough.    because this dream i awoke from,    found me wrapped in loneliness’  arms,  back at home.    t.v. glowing with mindless infomercials.  !! where are you tonight?!     i woke up crying,    needing her now,   because the loneliness is killing my heart.    is she  here?    comfortably,   i lay between the blankets  and couch,  but  numb.    somehow needing her tonight,   i need her within my arms,   holding her so close,   with the smell of  her hair brushing my nose,   the feeling of   her within  my arms,  holding on tight,   falling asleep with her.    i never wanted to let go.  alarm sounds,  it’s  five a.m.,   and i quickly get dressed and i drive off finding the city,  down this highway i go.   here i am,   and i need her tonight.. . . . . . . .

c.2013  BGW

beginning tonight (never letting it end)

part two:

 

. . . . . two a.m.  tossing and turning,   tangled all within the sheets;   i’m wide awake.    i dozed off  for maybe ten minutes,   but that was an hour ago,   and now i’m just here,   watching this wall,   digital numbers glowing in my eyes,   getting later and later.   laying here, thinking about you tonight.   and i wonder if you’re doing the same about me,  too.   you see,  we agreed to meet up for the friday night,  and its now friday morning,  three thirty a.m.   and i havent seen a wink of deep sleep,   and the jumping sheep have all gone home.   tossing and turning , how could i stop thinking of her?    the easy haunting of  her eyes,   pierced my heart when i first introduced myself to her.   blades on the fan on the ceiling,  trying to keep me cool,  and this room feels like im all wrapped up in wool.   five a.m.  in this sleepless morning,   and i slide out of bed and get ready for the working day,   tonight’s  the night.    and here i am, in my early morning routine, and it  feels like slow motion.   coffee’s brewed,  and  eggs are scrambled.   the songs on the radio seem to fit the story that plays out in my head.    the cell phone screen glows bright,   and lights up the darkness  inside the car.  stop light,  red light,  i read the message;   that is her.   telling me that she hopes that my day goes well,   and that she’s  really looking forward to the night.    and like the eraser on the chalkboard,   the slow motion of the sleepless night was wiped away and a surge of excitement  awoke within.  work, work and more work,   with nice interruptions of smiley  faces,  peppered with  a winked  face,  and a smile comes across my face.  ticked and toc’d  the day slowly passes,   and at three,  i clock out.  rushing to the car,  and finding my self driving a little quicker than usual to my home;  i unlock the door,  check the mail and toss it on the living room’s end table.  no time now to pay the cable.   turning on the shower,  i quickly undress and head on over to shave my face smooth.  double checking  the smoothness of my face,  i draw back the curtain,  and i step in the heavily steamed shower.  i dry off and i splash my after shave on,  and the burn tingles and splash another for good measure.   there she waits for me at her house,  for my arrival and i pull in her drive.  stepping out of the car, i reach over and grab the flowers i bought on the way,  and straightened my shirt tail and i take a deep breath.   some how my feet  head on up towards the door, but  i have forgotten how to walk.  and in a blink of an eye,  i ring the doors bell,  and the sound of feet coming down the stairs are blinded by this door.   and the lock makes noise and slowly the door opens.  and there,  stood in the doorway,  was the one who pierced my heart.  she curled her hair and remembered my favourite colour,  by wearing the same colour dress.   frozen,  i stand,  but a smile comes through.   once again our eyes meet and a smile comes across her face.   somehow i utter out a hello,  followed by telling her that she looked amazing.   a complementary thank you follows and i hand her the flowers.  she invites me in for a short time,  while she grabs her purse and as she quickly puts her flowers in a vase.  i walk her to the passenger side door and open it for her.   taken back by that,  she once again smiles and thanks me in her soft angelic tone.   leaving the driveway,  her perfume fills the interior,  and im quickly driven wild.   there at the restaurant,  i tell the hostess my name and that we had reservations.   she shows us to the  candlelit table.   i pull the chair out for you and we sit, and give each other a glance.   looking over the menu,  we order and i reach out for her hand.  squeezing it,  we take a sip of our wine and start our conversation.  as we talk,  the music of the band, softly plays from the other room.   there’s no one on the dance floor yet,  and i grab your hand and head towards the floor.   the slow song requires the slow dance.  my hand shakes,  and your hand shakes and we hold on to each other.  slowly,  the lights dim dimmer and our feet slowly pace,   am i leading or are we both following;   i am all lost in you right now,  and im amazed.   your head is on my chest,  and everything else is a blur.   as quickly as the song started,   it ended,  and you held on to me a little while longer.   the scent of her hair filled my head and the felling of her arms around me,  was perfect.  we head to our table and there was our dinner,  ready for a side of  conversation.   you tell me that you like my cologne and that my shirt matches my eyes,  something only could catch.  my smile gets bigger.  bite after bite,  sip after sip, and story after story,  the table gets cleared off ,  and again,  the conversation continues.  your eyes and the words you speak paint a picture in this head of mine,  unlike any other before,  like some sort of short film, and i  am your audience.   filing away deep inside my brain,  everything you say.  and another song plays and i ask you to dance again.  this time you grab my hand as we head towards the floor.  and like we never left the other dance from earlier,  the scent of your hair came rushing back,  and the feeling of you holding me tight,  never felt so good.  and even though there are more couples on the wooden dance floor,  we are the only.  dance lights slowly move across the room,  and here we are;   the cover of   “it’s your love”  comes to a close,  and we just keep dancing,   embracing this moment,   this  memory.   heading back to the table,  i grab the check,  and pay the tab.  not wanting to quite go home,  we walk down main street again,  and hop into the horse-drawn carriage.   and as the town slowly crawls by,  and the evening air,  refreshes.  here we are.  holding my hand,  the continuous smile never leaveing  our faces,  we are real,  true and forever.   the moon shines brightly tonight,   and the evening is cooler than normal.  perfect.   as you look out your side of the carriage,  i quickly reach  into my inside jacket pocket.  and when you turn to ask me what something was,  you stop mid sentence,  and you freeze.  your eyes enlarge and your hands quickly cover your mouth.   here, and i tell her that  she is the love of my life,   and i wouldn’t want to go through it with anyone else.  i asked her to marry me.   and with tears of joy pouring out,   she answers with a yes,  and she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me love.   the driver of the carriage smiles and tells us congrats and hands us a bottle of champagne and two glasses.   slowly,  we still crawl through the town and around the neighborhoods untill the first glass is empty.   here we are.    as the carriage drops us off at your front door,   ill pick up the car tomorrow,  can’t think about that now.    the deep kiss good nite was perfect,  and there we are,  and i need you.   you put your hand in my hand and guide me through the door.  we aren’t leaving each other tonight and  we can’t let this evening end.   and i don’t want it to.   and slowly,  the door shuts behind me,  and here we are. . . . . .

part two

c. 2013  BGW

part one = first day of june

part four = the walk home (evening edition)