all that slips away (ll)

the moon shone its glow on the coastal waters,

the waves still crashing ashore.

i keep looking around,

thinking that you’d still be there,

but the reality of solitude

brought a chill of loneliness along with the sea’s breeze.

but after each step taken,

sinking in the sands,

i beg for the warming of the sun of yester;

//

knock on the door and there’s nobody home .

but still,  the stars guide the way

the intoxication of the salted air keeps me wanting more.

the peace that the beach brought,

now turned to a sharp sting of question.

the feet that sunk in the sands,

now freeze and feel like they’re in cement.

all that slips away –

the sea, the sand;

the moon and stars drifted all away,

and left me in the dark.

silence screams all around

and the darkness crawls upon my skin.

i cry out! and nothing comes tearing out of my mouth.

tossing and turning,  feeling like i’m suffocating,

i gasp for one last deep breath.

muscles tense and loose, slow to respond.

my mind races out of control.

panic leaps out from my throat and becomes lodged,

death in silence,  my thoughts race and cannot win.

//

i am there.

my eyes squint,

adjusting to the bright light of day.

a riverfront cityscape stands before me,

and something is horribly wrong.

streets that should be busy,

the cars that should be honking,

people who should be about,

were all void!; missing.

the water wasn’t flowing through the fountain,

and yet again,  silence deafen.

standing in the middle of the street,

shocked and all in awe,

i couldn’t believe my eyes.

the tall buildings of brick, steel,  and marble are all now lying in ruins,

crumbled in pieces on the ground.

a thick fog quickly rolled in and covered the recognizable ruins.

shouting for anyone to hear me! all my cry’s falling on complete nothingness,  emptiness.

i run down the street,  jumping over the obstacles of pieces of building,

running, feeling like i,m going in circles,

still i shout out for anyone to hear me;

“CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!!!”

i quickly run down to the river that once saved me in a nine count–

once again i freeze.

my eyes grew large in shock,

as i saw that the river had risen,

and swept away everything that was down on the front.

my heart beats faster as panic sets in.

where was i ?

i turn to run away from the rushing rising waters of the river.

i run faster and faster,

seeming like i was running like molasses,

more panic sets in ; trying like hell to get out of there.

the ground started to shake and the rest of what building walls stood,

now completely fell.

the black and white tiles,

scattered on the streets below,

the fountain statues now fell and broke apart.

the window glass now shattered and rained down on top of me.

still crying out for someone to hear,

my words turn to sheer bear calls.

i quickly try to run through the disaster,

and i run myself through walnut street and turned into our street where we live,  or lived.

i stop in shock and tears come pouring out of my eyes.

the sidewalk where i walked home every night after work,  now lay buckled.

the wooded gate and fence lies on the ground,

and the roof sunk in, windows broke.

i run up the cobblestone walk and rush through the door.

the front parlour  is now crowded with overturned books and furniture.

a mothers desk sat vacant.

i scream out your name,

desperately seeking your face,

silence answered and meet me in the entry.

i run up the torn stairs and rush to open every door,

yelling out for you;

an empty crib with unplayed toys.

“HELLLOOO,  CAN YOU HEAR ME,  IS ANYONE HERE?!!”

out of breath,  i stop out of sheer exhaustion.

the tears keep pouring out,

where was i ?

i lean against a wall and slide down it as i sat on the dirt covered carpeted floor.

my hands cover my face and i uncontrollably scream out  your name.

i reach out for my son,  but he doesn’t come up to me.

an unfamiliar emptiness and loneliness crawls up my skin.

as my hands wipe my face,  slowly the home i once knew,

slipped away and  left me in the dark.

silence falls all around and the darkness now crawls upon my skin.

i cry out, and nothing comes tearing out of my mouth.

tossing and turning,  feeling like i’m suffocating,

i gasp for one last deep breath.

muscles tense and loose,  slow to respond.

my mind races out of control.

panic leaps out from my throat and becomes lodged,

my thoughts race and cannot win.

without all these things in my life,  i am nothing.

//

as soon as the darkness rolls over my eyes and i gasp for one last breath,

reality quickly saves me and my eyes open.

sweat rolling down my face, tears still pouring out of me;

are you next to me,  can i feel the arms that comfort?

the hands that soothe,  or the voice that tells me that everything is ok?

the nightlight in the hall softly glows,

not leaving me in the dark.

from where you were, now faded away

my feet freeze and felt like they’re in cement.

in a blink of an eye,

all that slips away, please,

let me go back to the start,

where we started it all

c. 2013, 2017  BGW

a broken heart sinks and the disappearing dream blinks

hello to yesterday;

wake up and say good morning

work days ways;

gentle was the night –

when the moon shone bright!

these bouquets of flowers

aren’t gonna rebuild what was torn down/

break apart

concrete driveways

and pea gravel pathways;

i wont

because you did

i wont

because we broke

maybe

maybe i just didn’t

put the “and” between

you and me

//

it’s been awhile

but nothing really has changed

broken heart sinks and the disappearing dream blinks

the sharp shattering of a soul full of hope;

and yet i still stand

//

maybe

ill wake in the morning,

stretch and yawn.

shave my face till the dream cuts and bleeds out

//

ill shower and let the hot water wash away the work day

dry myself off and sit naked on the couch;

putting the gun in my mouth

and let all the thoughts and memories splatter onto the wall

//

if you ever wonder where i am

don’t ever think twice

i’ll be gone but here hiding

i’ll be here, still thinking of you

i’m here, still thinking about you

//

hello to yesterday

wake up and say good morning

work days ways;

gentle was the night –

when the moon shone bright

these bouquets of flowers

aren’t gonna rebuild what was torn down

break apart

concrete driveways

and pea gravel pathways;

i wont

because you did

i wont

because we broke

maybe

maybe i just didn’t

2017  bgw