without

when you’re gone,  somewhere,  i can find you,  swimming in my memory.  when the void tugs and tears at my heart,  my life without love, you can find a morning sky without a sunrise.  a night sky without a moon,  stars that don’t  shine,  where are you?  a beach without sand,  an ocean without waves,  a shore without a scent.  my life without love,  i need you.  a year without its days, nor the seasons.  a winter without the gentle falling snow,  the spring without  the bird song,  a summer without the flowers bloom,  or a fall without the coloured leaves,  warm apple cider afternoons.  music without notes,  an unexpected uncomfortable, deafening silence.  oh!,  a life without love,  you,  i dont dare think of such!  here i am,  in a box of absolute nothing.  where no colour surrounds,  no images to sight,  no memory,  no feelings,  im blind without love,  you.  when you are gone,  time has no tic tocs,  minutes last for eternity,  and sleep has no dreams,  a sleepless night,  and an empty bed – something i never expected to get used to.  a life without love,  a breath without air,  a life without you,  a life without living,  giving,  sharing.  and now that i’ve come to find that you were all of these things,  i’m no one living nowhere particular, seeking for that place where we once were.  you’re gone, and i need to feel again. without love,  without you,  i am dead inside my heart.  a smileless face,  only an empty shell that  trys to pick up these  broken pieces.  when you’re gone, somewhere i can find you, swimming in my memory.  the void tugs and tears at my heart,  when you’re gone, and like stone, I can not move,  my life without love, you.

c. 2013 bgw

a raw and uncut confession and apology

im sorry that ive made a lot of mistakes. im not perfect. i wish i could be that person everyone can count on everytime.  but i can’t be there for everyone. i wish i could not be so stubborn in my ways, and learn to be more receptive.  im trying. I’ve ruined some relationships.  im a bridge burner,  and now i caught myself on fire, and im paying the price.  my smile has slipped away, far away, to somewhere i desperately  seek and to find again.  my heart shatters like fragile glass,  and i cut my fingers picking up the pieces.  i hang on for dear life as i feel the rope slide and burn through my hands.  inch by inch i slip away,  and everything i had falls off the cliffs edge.  my desire, like a fire that will never extinguish,  still sees you.  im sorry ive made some mistakes.  distractions,  unintentional actions that piled up into a false facade.  all i can say in this confessional is,  im sorry.  tomorrow,  the sun will rise, and bring me another day.  a day where i get to try and be better. and that’s all i can do, is to try and carry on. 

c. 2013 bgw