. . . there are so many things i can say, so many things that i want to write. and reading this may be a little confusing at first. but as you re-read it a couple of times, it may make more sense. there are a couple of ideas i wanted to dive into, but instead i just let a flow of my thoughts be what it was, sentence by sentence, as i wrote them down. but as i sit at my desk shuffling the sentences and words, editing, wishing that i had my spell checker, the early morning hours that passed by, greeted the heavy tiredness as it slowly shut my eyelids. i quickly open them as the aroma of coffee drifts past me. and there, in a cup i pour and the steam quickly disappears into the air. looking up around in my office, the sunshine shone through the drawn curtain, dimly illuminating the room, giving it a golden glow. and there i am, sitting and staring at a blank page, doodles on the page were supposed to be the words i wanted to write. but this writer’s block presented to be something greater, she is a wonderful distraction. but that was a while back, and my mind swims through this persuasion of numbness, slowly drowning in the sea of emptiness. seeking and searching to fill a void that is as deep as a canyon. an early morning haze, driving through this early morning traffic maze. stop and go and the silence fills the air; thinking i should have stayed in my dream like daze. endless thoughts and emotions cover my mind like a thick fog rolling into a cityscape; she seeped through the cracks of voidance, everything i kept to myself, the book that was my life, tightly shut and put away, she found it, and read me well, she was the only one who knew who i was. i wasn’t supposed to let that happen, and now i’m left with the never-ending question of what happened and why. // and now, a new season is before me. just a passing memory comes and go, like an ember refusing to die. concrete pillars cast shadows down in between the beams of sunlight radiating the mid afternoon’s heat. a new season. standing before me was a challenge – staring me straight in my eyes. and i’m looking it down, ready to take it on. and as i leave work, i remember that i am no longer in that city, but i’m in this city. a new environment, new surroundings. i’m blinded, but by familiar surroundings. my walk home from work, the memories that followed me here, plays peek a boo with my head. i must move on. she holds the colour in my world, but i must push forward. this new season that is before me, the fall leafs are falling through the winter, and straight into spring, new leafs. the sunshine shone through the drawn curtain, dimly illuminating the room, giving it a golden glow. and there i am, sitting and staring at a blank page, doodles on the page were supposed to be the words i wanted to write. but this writer’s block presented to be something greater, she is a wonderful distraction. a new season, blindly looking across the way, what will i find? will the paths cross again, lost at sea. and the doodles on the page were supposed to be the words i wanted to write. but this writer’s block presented to be something greater. . . .
c 2013 BGW